It's been a while obviously, since my last post and as I watch G & B reveal more about their story I thought perhaps I should do the same. It also didn't help that I just flipped out on my husband for going to the store to get ice cream and forgetting to get ice cream for me (which he asked before I left if I wanted anything). So was it the clomid talking? I literally just unleashed and told him how sick I was of how selfish he is and that I am the only one contributing to this relationship and pretty much the only one going through this process-which I reminded him is also for him. So again, when I was done with my rant-which I remind you started because he forgot to get me ice cream-I wondered, okay did I really just flip out over ice cream? Is this a clomid side effect?
It's our third cycle of clomid and TI-obviously I didn't post anything about last month for obvious reasons-not much in the way of good news to tell. And so because it is the third cycle, I find myself asking-at what point is enough, enough? There have been a few other things that have happened over the last month and a 1/2 that have me asking this question and several others. Questions like-am I beyond the point of wanting a child, a family? Is it too late? Has my time passed? Am I happy with the way things are as is? Can my husband even handle a child? Is he able to separate himself from work? We both have such strong work ethic, can we change our current routine and make the necessary changes for a better work life balance? I've made several changes already, but will he? Why am I the only one making these changes? And the list goes on....so is this a normal side effect of clomid? Or is it a side effect of infertility in general? Or is this miserable person, who flips at the drop of a hat, the person that I am becoming?
Can anyone relate? Willing to share your thoughts?
I can definitely relate to your concerns. It is important to remember that this is one of the most stressful times in your life. I would venture a guess that it is a combo of stress and meds. I myself did not do many rounds of clomid. But it did make me feel weird. My hubby and I did IVF, which was successful!
ReplyDeleteWhile it may not seem like your hubby is in it, he is. Remember to focus on each other, remember that you are in it together, you each have your own coping mechanism. But keep your eye on the prize! Yes it SUCKS, fertility treatments are ridiculously expensive, they are painful, but it is sooo worth it. And whether you carry a baby in your womb, have someone else carry a baby for you, foster, or adopt, you can be parents! And it is absolutely amazing when you get to hold that baby for the first time, you forget the mood swings, the shots, and it is all better. If you can survive fertility treatments you can do anything! Good luck in your journey!
Congratulations on your success-that is wonderful news!Thank you so much for sharing your positivity! Your thoughtful words were helpful & it is so nice to hear from someone who can relate. Would you like to share more details of your story?
DeleteI would love to share my story! I also learned by reading books that it does help to talk about infertility.
ReplyDeleteI met my husband while attending college. He is from a huge family, one of eight, and I am an only child. I always knew I would be a Mom. Little did I know how difficult it would be.
We have been married for almost 8 yrs, together 12. We started trying to get pregnant right after our first anniversary, and it didn't happen, and didn't happen. After about 2 years of trying on our own I finally decided to talk to my Dr. He gave me the you need to lose a few lbs, so I did. It was my mission to lose weight, 30 lbs, so I could get pregnant. I was on metformine for almost a year, took 2 cycles of clomid and nothing. I bought ovulation and pregnancy test, I should have bought stock in the companies.
I started asking questions, and asked for tests to be run on my husband and myself. I started devoting every moment to infertility research on the web, and I needed answers. My doctor finally said, it is you, your body is the issue. I can count on one hand the number of times it has been an issue on the males part that you can't get pregnant. I will tell you I was devastated. I cried, thought my husband wasn't going to want to stay married to a woman that can't give him children, the guilt was unreal. Our doctor did refer us to a specialist.
Now the fun starts, I was poked, prodded and tested for virtually everything. My tubes were clear, I was ovulating everything looked good. They tested my husband and found that his sperm was the issue. I was still hopeful that IUI would work. Sure it was $800 a pop, but I could do that. Then the second bomb was dropped on me. The tests showed that we would never be able to get pregnant without IVF. I remember telling my husband that it didn't matter to me what we had to do, I loved him no matter what! I didn't want him to feel guilty.
We waited probably 3 months then we started the IVF cycle. It was expensive! Like new car expensive, but we got into a great program that allowed us to have 3 live rounds of IVF and 3 frozen cycles, in order to get a live birth. This did take a lot of pressure off, knowing that if it failed the first time, I could do it again and again if need be.
It hurt, the stimulating of eggs, the shots, the monitoring, the traveling to the city for treatments. But my husband and I were/are a team. Unfortunately our first cycle did not take, and I was devastated again. I remember crying to the nurse when she was taking my blood because I knew the cramping feeling I had was my period. She just hugged me and let me cry, and I can never thank her enough for that hug!
The next month we did a frozen round, and I held my breath. I traveled for my blood work and I wasn't crampy. I was cautious, and so hopeful that it took this time. I remember crying on the 4th of July when I got the phone call that my test was positive. I was pregnant! I told no one but my husband and my Mom. I was so afraid I would jinx it all if people found out I was pregnant. Our immediate family knew of our struggles, and they didn't ask questions, they too just waited for the news. Then I started my 2nd trimester we shouted it from the rooftops! I was soooooo sick, morning noon and night sick, but I was soo thankful, and still am today.
We have a beautiful daughter who reminds me everyday how wonderful life is. I pretty much share my story with anyone who will listen, my family is a miracle!
My advice to anyone going through a similar situation. Stay positive, read books about infertility and ways to cope, love your spouse, don't place blame or be guilty, be a team.
Lia that is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing and offering hope and such wonderful advice. You are correct, it does help to talk about it-I'm only just now starting to realize that. Are there any specific books or ways to cope that you would like to recommend?
ReplyDelete