Only tears...
of disappointment.
Can I really start this process all over again & go through it again this coming month? I'm sure you must be thinking -but it was only 1 month trying with clomid-which is true, but all of the testing & monitoring & anticipation leading up to yet another month of disappointment, I'm just not sure I'm ready to start again so soon. Ugh! Positive thoughts you say? Right, but today I think I might just go with being grouchy & disappointed & maybe we'll skipa month before we try again.
But time is precious....
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Day 28 Tic Tock
No other word. Torture. The waiting is unbearable. Tic Tock, Tic Tock. The many thoughts that go through your mind...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The waiting game...
More bloodwork today equals additional confirmation that I ovulated. Woo! So the nurse says when do want to schedule your pregnancy test? My what now? Huh, back to that again. I can't even count the times we played this game. Try try try...wait wait wait. Test. Excitement. Not pregnant. Disappointment. Torturous! It is so hard to be positive during this process...I need to take a lesson on being positive from Guiliana Rancic I suppose.
It's only our first try with Clomid so I know there is a chance that it might not work this time, but how can I not get my hopes up. So 1 more night of happy hubby and then wait, wait, wait... and hopefully the PG test will be positive this time.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope throughout this process?
It's only our first try with Clomid so I know there is a chance that it might not work this time, but how can I not get my hopes up. So 1 more night of happy hubby and then wait, wait, wait... and hopefully the PG test will be positive this time.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope throughout this process?
Saturday, February 4, 2012
SURGE!
Another test this morning and another dark pink line! This must be it! Came back from the doctor this am & waiting for the confirmation call from the bloodwork & TVU. Just got the call...confirmed ovulatory cycle. The nurse said that there is at least 1 folicle, maybe 2 so I've already ovulated or am in the process. Time to get busy. Once again, super happy hubby!
Have I mentioned how much the TVU sucks?! So not comfortable I don't care who you are! I'll admit everything that I have had to go through the past few years leading up to this point certainly doesn't allow for any modesty or bashfulness any longer! I know that I have definitely come a long way from the depressed, emotional basketcase that I was during the first year or so when this all began. I have good days and bad days, but it seems to be improving so there are more good than bad these days. There was a time when it was difficult to be around pregnant friends (still is) or hear which friend is pregnant now (it always seems there are so many all at once - kind of like always a bridesmaid never a bride). Church always seemed especially hard. There are so many babies and pregos there! Many a tear was (& still is)shed while I'm there. I'm sure people wonder what is wrong with the crazy lady. And baby showers? Let's not even go there shall we? So many questions, why me? Why us? Am I being punished? So much guilt. Why did we wait so long to get married? To start trying? Well if that is what God's plan is...maybe God has chosen us to be adoptive parents...so many crazy thoughts and feelings. I even told my husband that it was okay if he wanted to leave me so that he could have a family. Can you say nutjob? It is such an awful roller coaster ride of emotions.
So for once, this phone call is a positive jolt of excitement and hope. Here's hoping! :)
Have I mentioned how much the TVU sucks?! So not comfortable I don't care who you are! I'll admit everything that I have had to go through the past few years leading up to this point certainly doesn't allow for any modesty or bashfulness any longer! I know that I have definitely come a long way from the depressed, emotional basketcase that I was during the first year or so when this all began. I have good days and bad days, but it seems to be improving so there are more good than bad these days. There was a time when it was difficult to be around pregnant friends (still is) or hear which friend is pregnant now (it always seems there are so many all at once - kind of like always a bridesmaid never a bride). Church always seemed especially hard. There are so many babies and pregos there! Many a tear was (& still is)shed while I'm there. I'm sure people wonder what is wrong with the crazy lady. And baby showers? Let's not even go there shall we? So many questions, why me? Why us? Am I being punished? So much guilt. Why did we wait so long to get married? To start trying? Well if that is what God's plan is...maybe God has chosen us to be adoptive parents...so many crazy thoughts and feelings. I even told my husband that it was okay if he wanted to leave me so that he could have a family. Can you say nutjob? It is such an awful roller coaster ride of emotions.
So for once, this phone call is a positive jolt of excitement and hope. Here's hoping! :)
Friday, February 3, 2012
Day 16
So obviously it's been a few days. Done with the Clomid and mostly the only side effect that I had was a headache every day, but I think that is only because I also stopped drinking caffeine (tea every morning!) the same time that I started the medicine. I can tell you that the man is definitely the one that makes out in this scenario. My husband was thrilled to know that he was going to get to have sex every other day for at least a 2 week period. Generally that is what the plan is when you are on Clomid with TI. And maybe it is not normal for me to feel this way as a woman but ugh! Every other day? Ouch! Apparently I will be keeping many jugs of cranberry juice on hand! Ha!
Part of the treatment plan is also using the Ovulation Predictor kit, starting on day 10. When my husband and I first started this process more than 2 years ago, the ovulation kits never worked so needless to say, I was sceptical that it would work this time, even if the kits the doctor recommended for use are over $50 a piece. OMG! So day 10, day 11, day 12, day 13, day 14-absolutely nothing. Day 15, I looked at it and thought, hmmm that line looks a little bit darker than it did the last few days. -And keep in mind that I have been getting up between 4-6am to do these tests because if you have an LH surge there is additional testing that has to be done to verify it is accurate & our doctor is over 1 1/2 hours away and they only do this testing between 6:30am-9:30am. I also work at 7:15am so juggling all of this is not easy. So of course! The one day that I don't get up early enough (7AM)-to my surprise...SURGE! This is the first time I have ever seen the test work, so I am completely excited! So I'm kicking myself saying to my husband "why didn't I get up earlier, we will never make it in time!?" Called the nurse line, (and of course you can't actually speak to someone because they call you back "at their convenience") left my long message about obviously not being able to make it in time with travel and traffic. Panicking while waiting for the call back, wondering what will happen, whether I'll be missing an important test, will we have to wait another month and start all over...oh I hope not! Finally, at work, phone rings-Good News-I can come in tomorrow at 10AM! Whew! So then I am instructed that we are to have intercourse every day for the next 3 days and then every other day after that. 3 days in a row?! Well, if that's what is going to take - lucky hubby!(& I am no stranger to this every day, every other day routine-we did this for almost the whole first year we were trying). Tomorrow they will do the blood work and ultra sound, even though it is a day later, to confirm the surge. Fingers crossed that this could be it-finally!!
Has anyone else that has been in this situation felt this way about the TI? I feel like it's a job! So not romantic. What we women go through! Sheesh!
Part of the treatment plan is also using the Ovulation Predictor kit, starting on day 10. When my husband and I first started this process more than 2 years ago, the ovulation kits never worked so needless to say, I was sceptical that it would work this time, even if the kits the doctor recommended for use are over $50 a piece. OMG! So day 10, day 11, day 12, day 13, day 14-absolutely nothing. Day 15, I looked at it and thought, hmmm that line looks a little bit darker than it did the last few days. -And keep in mind that I have been getting up between 4-6am to do these tests because if you have an LH surge there is additional testing that has to be done to verify it is accurate & our doctor is over 1 1/2 hours away and they only do this testing between 6:30am-9:30am. I also work at 7:15am so juggling all of this is not easy. So of course! The one day that I don't get up early enough (7AM)-to my surprise...SURGE! This is the first time I have ever seen the test work, so I am completely excited! So I'm kicking myself saying to my husband "why didn't I get up earlier, we will never make it in time!?" Called the nurse line, (and of course you can't actually speak to someone because they call you back "at their convenience") left my long message about obviously not being able to make it in time with travel and traffic. Panicking while waiting for the call back, wondering what will happen, whether I'll be missing an important test, will we have to wait another month and start all over...oh I hope not! Finally, at work, phone rings-Good News-I can come in tomorrow at 10AM! Whew! So then I am instructed that we are to have intercourse every day for the next 3 days and then every other day after that. 3 days in a row?! Well, if that's what is going to take - lucky hubby!(& I am no stranger to this every day, every other day routine-we did this for almost the whole first year we were trying). Tomorrow they will do the blood work and ultra sound, even though it is a day later, to confirm the surge. Fingers crossed that this could be it-finally!!
Has anyone else that has been in this situation felt this way about the TI? I feel like it's a job! So not romantic. What we women go through! Sheesh!
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